conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
