Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
