You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
