I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
