You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
