i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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