We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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