Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
