I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize