seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
