A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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