i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
