Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
