I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
