areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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