They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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