How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
