oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
