I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
