All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
