I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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