I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
