hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize