I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Damn victory sex feels great
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
