I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
