I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
