Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
