is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
