And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
