she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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