if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
