Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
