6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize