her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
