I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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