Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
