he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
