I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
