so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize