We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
