Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
