walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
wow bdsm is so cute
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
