I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
