just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
