what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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