I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
