that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
