I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
