ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
