Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
