So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
