Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
