the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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