Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
