i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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