Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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