There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
