I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
