You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
