I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
