I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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