You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
