"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
