well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
