i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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