and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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