I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
