she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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