I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
