you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
