i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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