Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
