yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
