I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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