her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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