She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
