I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I could fuck to npr.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
