sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize