She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
