I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
