If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Holy shit dude........stairs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
