man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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