you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
