Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
