wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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