if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
