Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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