Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
