just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
